Never give up loving even if it fools you
Broke up with someone? Unrequited love? Love someone who only has eyes for everyone but you?
Have you recently swore never to fall in love again?
Think again. Love is all around us and you would be a fool not to love again.
Comms playlist link
Listen to the playlist of songs above. What do they have in common? All of them are with regards to our feeling of love isn’t it? All of us are born to love. Composers of music are well known to express their affection with their songs; as reported in the article ”love is one of the most frequent subjects of songs“.
The intellectual felt it:
- To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead.
- Bertrand Russell, Marriage and Morals (1929) ch. 19
British author, mathematician, & philosopher (1872 – 1970)
The comic writers felt it..
Even the animals felt it..
So why hadn’t you??
The most recent marriage that was highly publicised in our local news is the marriage of local Mediacorp Artise Fann Wong and Christopher Lee.
So what made their relationship such a success?
Below are my intepretation of their relationship development over the years:
1. INITIATING
Wong and Lee met in 1995 at a TV programme and that is where it was the proximity factor that made it possible for them to know each other’s existence. The physical appearance of Wong and Lee was also a contributional factor for their relational formation given that both of them are attractive, giving the other a positive impression.
Proximity matters in relationships
Does first impression determine the outcome of the relationship?
2. EXPERIMENTING
With more encounters with each other, they started to interact by exchanging information on their cultural, social and psychological information. It is likely that they have similar attitudes and values towards issues, that made their casual conversation enjoyable and fulfilling. Since both of them were both actors and actress of their workplace, they were both almost equally competent with each other. This increases the likelihood of their understanding for each other hectic work and meanwhile accounting for their common goal in life. However in reality Lee was born in Malaysia unlike Wong who was born in Singapore. Thus it is likely that both enjoy a relationship where the other is slightly dissimilar in background.
Also, both must have reciprocated to each other’s communication. I am certain that when Lee disclosed information about himself, Wong would also have shared hers. This would have made the dynamics of their relationship possible. If one of them did not reciprocate to the other, their relationship might have stalled and not move on to the third stage.
3. INTENSITY
This is the stage where their relationship starts to develop signinficantly and with physical contact. By now, both would have increased committment to their relationship and more self disclosure. At the self-disclosure stage, they would share information that is unknown to others. This is a test of trust and commitment in the relationship which ultimately makes their relationship more special than with others.
Meanwhile, not everything are all rosy. Conflicts can still occur due to the difference in each other’s perception. Wong and Lee’s conflict was rather serious when they both avoided each other for 2 months as mentioned in the video below (time 3:18). But as proven by their marriage, these conflicts faced strengthened their relationship.
Not all conflicts lead to DOOM-day. Be optimistic
4. INTEGRATING
In year 2000, both of them declared their relationship and start coupling their individual characters into a relational unit.
Fann & Chris being seen together openly when their relationship stabilised
5. BONDING
In May 2009, Wong and Chris are officially a couple when they register their marriage. This formalises their obligation and commitment to each other.
Fann & Chris on their R.O.M
As you can observe from the entire process above, the formation of a successful relationship can only be attained with patience and commitment.
It is never too late to start loving the people around you. Love can strike us as quick as it can steathily seep away from us. But whatever it is, never be jaded by it or to give up hope in it. The wonders of love is waiting for you to be explored.
Nothing can feel warmer than to be in the arms of your love
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:
http://juskawaime.wordpress.com/category/fannwong/
Hey~
Gosh I love ur pictures! They are all so hyped up and really make your post a good read. ^^
Well, relationships take a lot of work, and most of all, it requires BOTH sides to contribute equally in order to succeed. One side giving, and the other taking simply just doesnt cut the cake. Yes, LOVE itself isn’t the ONLY thing that needs to be reciprocated. Essentially, (selfish though it may sound) one must always bear in mind, what you want out of the relationship. Now if you find yourself crying every night, something has to be wrong; either you are doing something amiss, or the other party is just blind. Then you have to ask yourself: Is this what I want to be doing for the rest of my life?
Relationships also work depending on the time period that it is set. i.e. your needs at the age of 18 would differ greatly compared to your needs at the age of 28. Always looking forward in life, one should never lose track of who you are, and where you stand at that point of time. Don’t expect the mind of an 18-year-old boy (filled with soccer, video games, eat, sleep, staring at the female body, fun..) to COINCIDE with the mind of an 18-year-old girl (Love, romance, ‘an quan gan’ -security-, loyalty,…). Meaning, girls shouldn’t flip when you find out that your guy prefers being alone with his computer games over you. Likewise, guys shouldnt snap when your girl ignores you from staring at another girl who walked past even though it was only eye candy.
I honestly believe that when being in a relationship, one must place your partner before yourself; but at the same time, one must treasure yourself as well. In the game of love, it means nothing if one is god and the other is the sacrificial lamb. Both parties must be able to come to terms with themselves and truly feel happy. A wise person once told me, that loving someone is to accept them for who they are, both for their strong points and their weak points.
Refering to the wedding between Fann Wong and Christopher Lee, they are living proof of a complete happy relationship, both agree that despite their differences, there will still be light at the end of the tunnel. If I may say so myself, they are an example of one of the few marriages that work out well in hollywood. So far I know, their marriage is one of few not hindered by movie productions, couplings, and most importantly, the media coverage. Most of the time, we hear of actors and actresses going in and out of marriages that last only briefly. It is an example of how people tend to lean towards each other simply because the majority put them in that position. Ever had a group of friends constantly causing you havoc in their attempt to force you with this guy they think is suitable? Ever had a group of friends forcing you to have sexual intercourse with your girlfriend simply because you were still a virgin? It is not uncommon to hear about people getting together simply because they were voted the most compatible couple by the majority. But one crucial point remains: Is this what you really want? Only make a move if your conscience is clear- put yourself in the other party’s shoes as well and weigh your options. Finally, talk it out with your partner/the other party before any major decision is made. This is a gist of what it means to put the other before self, without compromising the ‘self’. Hopefully, all will run smoothly.
The bottom line is this: We are always growing, and day by day we evolve into something new and fresh. Take only the good stuff from past relationships- learn from your mistakes. Don’t expect to completely understand what love is in one term. I believe things are best discovered, when it is done in an unconscious manner. If you catch my drift ^^
| Posted 2 years, 4 months agohey mantha! Thanks for the once-again fabulous comment!!
woah you used Chinese!! “an quan gan”.. i almost couldn’t recognise what that meant. =D Yes i think there’s so much miscommunication between boys and girls when they are dating from such a young age? Girls are always a believer in the boys’ loyalty and commitment to the relationship even from a young age. As for guys.. I’m sure they will learn to acquire that at some point in time.. I was wondering lately… will guys only learn to be responsible and serious in their relationship when they get older? When they hit their 30s and they’re single then they go around.. “OH MY GOD oh my god. quick quick. c’mon girls. i’m serious in relationships now”. I don’t think this applies to most guys. But still, this sounds like the case when i read articles with regards to the male’s attitude towards relationship. So i hope we all won’t have to be dating old guys in order to have a good relationship…………….. o.O
I agree with you that we would need to learn to also love ourselves before we can others. Your illustration “In the game of love, it means nothing if one is god and the other is the sacrificial lamb” is very enlightening too. I think in most relationships, the relationship will start off with both parties contributing equally. But with time, one of them might get jaded and feel less motivated to commit to the relationship. I think this scenario is sad.. so I guess the couple ought to find new and interesting things to do time after time!
I think most celebrity asian couples can have longer-lasting relationships than the celebrity of Westerners due to the extent of media coverage. Especially in the States, it is widely known that the paparzzi is determined to undercover and analyze every aspect of the couple relationship. In most circumstances, this would deteriorate the relationship, leading to break-ups. Thus Fann and Chris are lucky to be in a more conservative country.
And oh yes. Mantha i do catch your drift (s) from the start till the end of your comment. X) It is always good to wait for things to happen. The tide will come when your time is right. When your fate awaits you. You don’t have to be conscioulsy pursuing a relationship. That’s tiring. And it sucks.
| Posted 2 years, 4 months ago| Posted 2 years, 4 months ago
Thanks for your reply but i don’t understand chinese video and neither do i understand korean subtitles. What do you wish to say about this entry?
| Posted 2 years, 4 months agoI’m gonna talk a little bit about the sad part of relationships where so often, people forget about and think love is that finding of our prince/princess where they would live happily ever after. Falling in love is as if it were a camouflaged hole in the sidewalk that we just happened to fall into.
After rejection/ termination, we always blame the other person for the hurt. We have choices in life, and we need to take responsibility for the consequences of those choices. If we choose to get involved with someone romantically, the responsibilities for any emotional reactions are your own – not the other person’s. You may feel like the victim of her behaviour, but you have to realise that you are responsible for the feelings because you were the one who choose to give her some power over your feelings.
Love can be bittersweet (corny I know.), but I agree with ya, one should not give up hope in it.
| Posted 2 years, 4 months agoHmm.. In my opinion, it is a natural human reaction in self-perservation (or maybe.. well most likely- Pride) to blame the other party and think that you are always right. Though, I would agree that it is unwise to continue pursuing a self-indulgent life as such, I believe that it would be more difficult should one be advising another victim upon the topic using the outlook you have stated. Perhaps what I mean to say, is that you put it rather bluntly, making it feel too impersonal. From this analysis, I realise that there really is 2 ways on looking at the same side of a coin- the male and female perspective. Not wanting to sound too cliché, the male would most likely be the more practical of the explanations; closer to the mind, whereas the female would be more compassionate and closer to the heart. Hence, the confusion and hurt usually felt by the opposing party.
On that note, I would like to expand on how diction used in such situations as a rejection/termination would heavily effect the reaction (and pain) received or inflicted afterwards. Termination: summed up = words, denial, pain, death- nothing more to it. Rejection: I believe that the best way to turn down someone is just by saying no. If you know that there is no chance, or even a slim chance just cuz the other party asked u, just say no. However, there is a gender conflict here: Usually, a guy could get over a rejection quickly as once the girl ‘rejects’ him, he moves on. (is this true? Any comments to add to that? I only know this from guy friends I know) whereas, on the girl’s end, she’ll most probably be thinking about the guy after he had proclaimed his interest in her.. and have second thoughts.. and usually develop romantic feelings for him. -bearing in mind that at this point, the guy has already moved on to greener pastures, it leaves the girl baffled. Hence, I believe guys should never say ‘I love you’ unless they really mean it. What is love anyways? Can anyone define it?
| Posted 2 years, 4 months agoImpersonal, now that’s harsh. We all have a mind and a heart; it’s just how much we listen to them.
I will not get into the “guys seem to be able to move on so quickly” debate, but I’ll speak for most of the guys, it ain’t that easy.
I don’t really get you here, when you say that “there is no chance, or even a slim chance” you reject the guy. Then you proceed to say that girls will “USUALLY” start developing feelings for the individual. Ain’t that the same as the point where the guy has a “slim chance”? Then why say no in the first place?
The three words is as much power a guy can give to a girl over him. Saying “no”, dignity/pride and all the self preservation thing you were talking about, comes into play.
It’s not as simple as you think it is, to be a guy, nor will I deny the fact that it ain’t as easy to be a girl either.
Posted 2 years, 4 months agoThe second last sentence in your post reminded my of the “Jaded’ song by aerosmith years ago. Well, I guess people do get jaded because of their past experiences, struggles and hurts. From then, one’s perspective of relationships could have changed completely and irreversibly, be it positively or negatively. Still, I agree with you that one shouldn’t give up hope on finding love. Possibly, all the experiences in life are ‘designed’ in such a way that you can find self-actualization; and point you towards the person that you have been searching for. Just like John Cusack in the movie Serendipity, when he was searching for Kate Beckinsale, he confessed that he felt like a jacka** looking for a stranger he met a long time ago, to which his buddy quoted a Greek philosopher: “If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid.”
| Posted 2 years, 4 months agowell being in love is definitely a good thing but one has always bear in mind the seriousness of commitment. if not by starting off without a right state of mind will result in many conflicts in the days to come. it maybe true that after the initiating phase a maintaining phase will kick in and try to correct the differences. however, sometimes maintaining a relationship is not as easy as it looks. if there are just too much problems, you can fix it for one day, a week perhaps a month but 20 years down the road?
| Posted 2 years, 4 months agoeveryone needs love. well. i think even without yr special half’s love, family love is also important. to me, i think family love is the most important factor in life. i mean look at some hollywood stars, they may married young, but end up, divorce is still on the list later. in the end, the thing you need the most is family love.
i’m sure chris and fann must have spend a lot of years together before getting married. i ever came across this hollywood couple that has be together for around 30 years, but they dont want to get married. the reason they gave because they afraid that sometimes life after marriage will cause love to slowly faded away. so they would rather stay in the BGR mood. i guess they are right about this point.
i think that love after marriage is the biggest obstacles that both parties have to pass. this is where loyal and commitment passed. so you cant really say that some people swore not to love again. i guess sometimes when their other half failed their loyalty and commitment, their broken heart is not easy to be mend. they might even have trauma thinking that marriage or love is scary because they are afraid they might got hurt again.
| Posted 2 years, 4 months agoIs it true about the couple being in a BGR state for 30 years? wow that’s really scary. but interesting. hmm.. it’s really something to think about it isn’t it. I guess it’s the part about staying with your other half for too long that makes it boring? :/
and yes i do agree that broken heart isn’t easy to mend; esp when it’s in terms of marriage. I guess that’s when a couple will stay in a “stagnant” part of their relationship for quite a while before being able to accept their fate, and breakup, and move on witth life.
| Posted 2 years, 4 months agohaha. like i told you before about my mum? when my sister asked her if she still loves my dad. her reply was “nah. i keep by the side with him because of loyalty and commitment.”
perhaps looking for a new love life can help them move on with life.
Posted 2 years, 4 months agogosh. yes i definitly remb what she said. That is one of the sweetest quotation i’ve heard of. Definitly worth keeping in your bank of thougts. :]
| Posted 2 years, 4 months agoThe both of them have been in a relationship for many years, and I think its courageous of them to enter into marriage. They could be just like the aforementioned Hollywood couple who don’t get married for fear of the relationship disintegrating. However, I think people who blame marriage for the death of their relationship just got too comfortable. I’m sure we know old couples who still have a great relationship.
| Posted 2 years, 3 months agoLove? a simple yet sophiscated word. Love can be found everywhere around us. Love has no boundaries. Love does not neccessary means just boy-girl relationship too. Love between a mother and a child,between believer and God, between two friends etc.
However,talking about inter-personal relationship. In the boy-girl relationship way. I feel that it truly takes courage for a couple or even two indivduals to take a step forward to the next stage of their relationship. At least that’s all i see it. Not many people will be able to commit because of the fear in them of getting hurt. That is why many relationships never started or never move forward to the next stage.
Fann and Chris,as you mentioned ‘formation of successful relationship’.But how successful it is,we’ll never know.Maybe for now yes, but who knows what will happen in the near future. Not that i am cursing them, just that i think marriage life isnt easy to maintain. It takes alot more to make it work out.(=
| Posted 2 years, 3 months agoIn any case, may my blessings be with them.(=
I don’t think we can really say yet whether the relationship between Chris and Fann is successful, since the relationship as we know it, doesn’t just stop at marriage. Furthermore, it also takes a lot of work for both parties to maintain the marriage so that the relationship does not advance towards the terminating stages.
| Posted 2 years, 3 months agoHave you seen the movie Love Actually? Go check it out.
In line with the notion proposed, I agree with the first half that we should never stop loving. But to the extent that it fools you. Depends.
We have diluted the word Love to a certain degree. So and so would comment that he/she loves the sumptuous Japanese buffet or even the latest Hermes Birkin Tote collection. The word has been rampantly and frivolously used in our day and age.
But if we look up the Greek dictionary, in all its richness and depth in meanings, love can be catergorised into three levels, namely Agapeo (Unconditional love), Eros (Sexual love) and Phileo (Brotherly Love). There is a distinction in what type of love we all seek today. For our parents’ generation, it is about committment and loyalty, trust and reliance, as what some have already mentioned. They are in for the long-haul journey. Well, at least some are. Now fast forward that this day and age, people’s perspective have changed. Love may be flippant, puppy-love-like or even transcient.
It boils down to our personal decision. We love because we are being loved. Do we know that we are loved by someone? Or even by a God out there? Human beings need to be loved and appreciated by someone. Then they can reciprocate love. Even babies who are not loved or hugged by their parents on a daily basis would grow up scarred and insecure.
However, if love takes on a negative role and turns deceptive, abusive or destructive, do we continue to love that same person/thing/hobby etc.? We need to rethink the meaning of love again.
Love ACTUALLY exists. Never stop loving. Never stop seeking.
| Posted 2 years, 3 months ago